What the fuck is today? what.the.fuck.

Fucking school and fucking people and the weather.

Now I feel more of an idiot for leaving video footages behind in the school's imac. Now I can't work on my A.E. files. I was supposed to do them all up through tonight, I GUEZZZZZZ NOYTTTTTT.

KNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN TO THE HIGHEST HEAVENS. Now even the school asking for our BMI is enough to aggravate me. Fucking want to walk into a concrete block and be solidified inside forever. I AM FUCKING DONE.WITH.PEOPLE.

List of things/liquids that have been in my eye

(From what I can remember)


1. Eye Lash

Pain - 0.5/10 (More of an inconvenience, really)



2. Tiny bit of poster paint (hurhur right now)

Pain - 3/10



3. A speck of pencil lead

Pain-6/10 (I was in Pri 1 though)



4. Soap

Pain - 6.5/10



4. Toothpaste

Pain - 8/10



5. Chicken Rice Chili

Pain - 9.5/10



6. Really Concentrated Nail Polish Remover

Pain - 12/10 (It came from this Guardian brand wad of cotton, soaked in alcohol to remove your nail polish. Squeezed it, and it squirted right into my eye.)


I really should wear goggles from now on.

I hate that I'm rude to my mom when I snap at her. But she needs to back off sometimes. : ' (

Hahah okay this may sound really dumb but..I just totally held my pee from City Hall bus stop (in front of Cheers) all the way to Teck Whye Lane. And gurrl, if you know me, you'd know I tend to get them nervous anxiety attacks when I either a. NEED TO PEE AND CAN'T b. NEED TO SHIT AND CAN'T. Lol.

So it wasn't too bad when it was reaching Orchard, I could at least look forward to reaching the expressways. Logic was that it wouldn't be long before it'll reach Bukit Panjang and so on.

Hahahha when we did finally reach the expressways 10 years later, the thought of NO STOPS till B.P. almost caused me an anxiety attack. shhhiettt. I had to like, take deep breaths, swing one leg out, read the LED display screen at the same time with a certain rhythm. All the way to B.P.

I was this close to walking up to the driver to stop by the side of the expressway cos I gotta go piss. I rehearsed in my head, made me more panicky.

Ni bladder nak kene rembat, to be honest.

Haha I managed to hold until this veteran ah pek gangster coffeeshop nearby. And it's like I discovered all that was Truth and Beauty in this world.

Funny & weird shit aside, I'm really proud of myself for getting better at avoiding my anxiety attacks. The breathing method works, but it takes practice : /

Also: definitely visiting the loo after 2 pints of cider + small glass of SG sling hurhur

As of recent:

Going for a long walk around my neighbourhood to ease off tension within my bruized&batteredz self.

Why do I even bother writing, I can't articulate this feeling of heavy, twanging doom that increases the more I think about it. I can't stand the fact more that I can and should heave myself off this self-pitying cycle. It's disgusting and embarrassing.

I could be film making on the side. Sometimes I create scenes in my head when I'm feeling a particular emotion, rather than actually just feeling it. Fabric swooshing against a face, it's a still shot. My phone camera is so shit T.T

edit: I realise my amazing gif is oozing out of my post. I can't help that it's too amazing for my layout to handle.

I want to be a filmmaker.