My inability to overcome myself is so embarrassing. It's so tiresome to hear/feel myself backing down from the load of work, when I just need to push myself because I clearly don't.

I really don't, I'm so lazy. It is so embarrassing that I don't even, ever whine about it jokingly. So if I hate it so much and it's not doing any good for me, why don't I kick my ass then? OH for fuck's sake.

It's so easy giving advice. For someone who can't wait to be independent, I'm doing jack shit about it.