Sya.

2012-01-30T07:53:00.000-08:00

What the fuck is today? what.the.fuck.

Fucking school and fucking people and the weather.

Now I feel more of an idiot for leaving video footages behind in the school's imac. Now I can't work on my A.E. files. I was supposed to do them all up through tonight, I GUEZZZZZZ NOYTTTTTT.

KNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN TO THE HIGHEST HEAVENS. Now even the school asking for our BMI is enough to aggravate me. Fucking want to walk into a concrete block and be solidified inside forever. I AM FUCKING DONE.WITH.PEOPLE.

List of things/liquids that have been in my eye

2012-01-22T09:22:00.000-08:00

(From what I can remember)

1. Eye Lash

Pain - 0.5/10 (More of an inconvenience, really)

2. Tiny bit of poster paint (hurhur right now)

Pain - 3/10

3. A speck of pencil lead

Pain-6/10 (I was in Pri 1 though)

4. Soap

Pain - 6.5/10

4. Toothpaste

Pain - 8/10

5. Chicken Rice Chili

Pain - 9.5/10

6. Really Concentrated Nail Polish Remover

Pain - 12/10 (It came from this Guardian brand wad of cotton, soaked in alcohol to remove your nail polish. Squeezed it, and it squirted right into my eye.)

I really should wear goggles from now on.

2012-01-20T23:02:00.000-08:00

I hate that I'm rude to my mom when I snap at her. But she needs to back off sometimes. : ' (

2012-01-15T08:29:00.000-08:00

Hahah okay this may sound really dumb but..I just totally held my pee from City Hall bus stop (in front of Cheers) all the way to Teck Whye Lane. And gurrl, if you know me, you'd know I tend to get them nervous anxiety attacks when I either a. NEED TO PEE AND CAN'T b. NEED TO SHIT AND CAN'T. Lol.

So it wasn't too bad when it was reaching Orchard, I could at least look forward to reaching the expressways. Logic was that it wouldn't be long before it'll reach Bukit Panjang and so on.

Hahahha when we did finally reach the expressways 10 years later, the thought of NO STOPS till B.P. almost caused me an anxiety attack. shhhiettt. I had to like, take deep breaths, swing one leg out, read the LED display screen at the same time with a certain rhythm. All the way to B.P.

I was this close to walking up to the driver to stop by the side of the expressway cos I gotta go piss. I rehearsed in my head, made me more panicky.

Ni bladder nak kene rembat, to be honest.

Haha I managed to hold until this veteran ah pek gangster coffeeshop nearby. And it's like I discovered all that was Truth and Beauty in this world.

Funny & weird shit aside, I'm really proud of myself for getting better at avoiding my anxiety attacks. The breathing method works, but it takes practice : /

Also: definitely visiting the loo after 2 pints of cider + small glass of SG sling hurhur

2012-01-05T04:47:00.000-08:00

As of recent:

Going for a long walk around my neighbourhood to ease off tension within my bruized&batteredz self.

Why do I even bother writing, I can't articulate this feeling of heavy, twanging doom that increases the more I think about it. I can't stand the fact more that I can and should heave myself off this self-pitying cycle. It's disgusting and embarrassing.

2011-12-14T04:03:00.000-08:00

I could be film making on the side. Sometimes I create scenes in my head when I'm feeling a particular emotion, rather than actually just feeling it. Fabric swooshing against a face, it's a still shot. My phone camera is so shit T.T

edit: I realise my amazing gif is oozing out of my post. I can't help that it's too amazing for my layout to handle.

2011-12-13T23:16:00.000-08:00

I want to be a filmmaker.

2011-11-16T09:16:00.000-08:00

HAAA

2011-11-13T06:25:00.000-08:00

My inability to overcome myself is so embarrassing. It's so tiresome to hear/feel myself backing down from the load of work, when I just need to push myself because I clearly don't.

I really don't, I'm so lazy. It is so embarrassing that I don't even, ever whine about it jokingly. So if I hate it so much and it's not doing any good for me, why don't I kick my ass then? OH for fuck's sake.

It's so easy giving advice. For someone who can't wait to be independent, I'm doing jack shit about it.

2011-11-09T00:05:00.001-08:00

At times, like now, I feel like swimming out into the sea and not looking back, nor stopping.

For no reason.

A Not So Old Journal Entry

2011-10-20T08:11:00.000-07:00

I miss Time, not the person. I feel nothing for the person. There was a certain smell in the air and the weather was always right. And there was this lightness to it. Everything was alright.

18th June 2011

2011-10-09T10:03:00.000-07:00

Russell Square, where our modest hotel was.

Shoreditch area

From Tate Modern

Description for the work below

From the screen printing studio in London College of Communication

The Raphael Cartoons at the V&A Museum

Shit-in your pants-awesome illustrations by Vic Lee

At the lobby of Mother London

Mind Over Matter: Alan Fletcher's The Art of Looking Sideways exhibition at Kemistry

I have an article to write/edit, but first, some pictures from London trip. I don't even know who reads this space (anymore). It's okay! Here they are anyway. Also, I haven't been able to sleep before 3am ever since I got back. It's always 4-5am, then wake up at 1pm. Therefore, I don't really have breakfast.

If my life was already boring to begin with, it just got more boring when I returned. Spiritually, I am recently encouraged by the fact that there is probably a Creator out there. I just woke up 2 mornings ago and it occurred to me that the universe is too vast and extremely complex for any human being to insist on only one specific way or theory. (And then force it down people's throats) I fucking love space. It's horrific and so beautiful at the same time, you could shit your pants just reading about the accelerating speed of the expansion of our universe.

Yeah okay, I'm going to go write that article now. By the time I'm done it should be 3am. So fancy.

Oh yeah, I also re-watched Gummo. Love this scene.

Bye

2011-09-19T08:43:00.000-07:00

So tomorrow is the last day before I fly off to London for a week.

AND I HAVEN'T PACKED. Hah, I'm not actually screaming in my head. I'm pretty chill, sitting cross legged, wrapped in my comforter right now. I might panic later tonight or tomorrow. Ahh.

I headed out today for some TSA admin in school and then I was supposed to run errands for this London trip. Such as uhh more socks, hairbrush, moisturiser and wet wipes. What was supposed to be a mostly Watson's affair became a Body Shop, Cotton On and a random clothes' brand roadshow that had socks. I got sucked into spending $40 over bucks on moisturiser and a cleanser at Body Shop. The moisturiser's really good though.

As I stood at the cashier, paying for mah goods, I relived my days (6) in Tokyo where I went sans-moisturiser and how I felt so ugly, truly. No make up can cover dry skin lah. I didn't know it was gonna be so dryyy. So hohoho I didn't feel bad spending. Moreover, I should really stop using my sister's shit. It's not nice, and she pays for them too.

Moisturiser nevermind, at least, well, you know it prevents your skin from fucking up to an extent. BUT I BOUGHT A $24ISH HAIRRRBRUSH SHEN ME SRSLY. It better be good as it claims to be. It's called Kent~ For that money this Kent should be brushing my hair.

Perhaps being closer to your land would make it easier for me to think about this. Yknow, either way, it's still sorta shooting my own foot. Anything I do about this is still shooting my foot so wadahell. It's really stupid I know, but you are legit in my mind. Go ahead vomit. Will update again, when I am back, or during the trip!

See ya!

Break out

2011-08-24T12:26:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone. I get more private as I grow older. And I was just thinking, what am I afraid of really? I get very reluctant when people ask me if I have a blog haha. Wellll at most, to be honest, my crushes are not secrets anymore. I'm caring less now. I really just decided that, like 10min ago.
Nothing wrong with having readers that you know you in real life, right? Oddly, I've always been more comfortable having total strangers read rather than people I actually know. Oh, but fuck, get out of your shell, Sya! Haha Shellsha.

Okay, here goes nothing.

2011-08-10T03:10:00.000-07:00

I think my previous post had to do with coming slowly to terms with my late granny and her illness that was a monster. So exactly 1 week ago, around this time at 6-ish, she passed away in her sleep. My dad and I were about to set the table to break our fast when he received a call from my aunt and I picked it up first. But I took so long to pass the phone over cos I just had to be half dressed without any pants on and I was scrambling to look for pants and all the time she was probably really anxious cos my granny wasn't looking very good and she wanted my dad to go over to their place immediately and I took very long to pass the phone over.

And then he left and I ate my roti boyan alone and I did cry actually. It was the most unsettling and saddest break fast in my life. And no one else was at home, my mom was 3 hrs away, my sister just ended work and my brother in school. If I weren't home that evening, dad would've stayed longer with my grandmother and aunt but he heard that I would be alone at home and wanted me to have company. I feel crazy bad.

I tried singing Regina Spektor's Ghost of Corporate Future out loud to lift my spirits a little. Who cries while doing the dishes, at the starting line of the first verse?

Everything after that is just too sad. We got to know she had cancer in july, but she was already sick since late june. It took just 2 months. It spread so fast, they didn't know where it came from. I remember feeling frustrated at doctors and oncologists and ugh. : /

I'm glad that she's not suffering anymore though. Love you nyai.

Rini

2011-07-20T08:48:00.000-07:00

I just received news that a teacher from my secondary school had just passed away. Although she never taught my class, some of us knew about about her illness. That was back in 2008 I think.

What if you found out you had 3 more years to live? Would 3 years sound like 3 days? 3 hours maybe. What would you say. You know how they say, never to curse but to leave it all to fate or "God's hands". I really wonder if people would be so calm and collected when receiving such news. I for one, would probably not go in the "Oh, it's all fate. I've accepted it". I wonder how that feels like. It must be rather peaceful. But a sort of peaceful that I feel weird about.

Because I'd freak the hell out. I don't want to die and it's the truth. I am just speaking the truth. I'm not going to pretend (or heavily assume) that I would be very matured and spiritual about it.

hmm :/

2011-07-18T08:25:00.000-07:00

Is it so difficult to meet a boy who reads a lot of books, is smart, cultured, funny and not cocky? He doesn't even need to be gorgeous. I need someone articulate! I think I can get depressed thinking how it's impossible to find a guy like that here. (There is this guy, but he's not interested) Great.

I think he thinks I am too young, but what is too young? Aiyaaa I'm not a child, seriously! I really am not. Okay 4 years is a big difference? lol I be ranting like a spoilt child already. Meh.

Operation-get-smart-but-not-interested-guy underway? Perhaps, perhaps.

I sound crazy.

A Love/Hate List

2011-07-14T09:36:00.000-07:00

A list of things I hate:

I hate obnoxious people on trains.
I hate ugly obnoxious people on trains.
I hate fruits in savoury dishes.
I hate ignorant people.
I hate people who walk slowly.
I hate people who shove.
I hate self-righteous people.
I hate homophobia.
I hate it when people touch my screen like it ain't no thang. (srsly, WTF? RUDE.)
I hate animal cruelty.
I hate cancer.
I hate 8am classes.
I hate panic attacks.
I hate not being able to sleep when you're sick.
I hate feeling incompetent.
I hate being scared.
I hate orange.
I hate surgical scenes on TV.
I hate losing a loved one.
I hate loss.

A list of things I love:

I love nice, intelligent people.
I love good conversations.
I love being able to strum a song I like
I love having a crush
I love being in love (you feel 10kg lighter)
I love a good read.
I love feeling enriched.
I love feeling empowered.
I love accomplishment.
I love feeling a sense of relief.
I love lemon sherbet.
I love a good film.
I love the tingly feeling of hope.
I love beautiful parks.
I love lakes.
I love roof tops.
I love wind.
I love rain.
I love the thought of possibly meeting you.
I love Google.
I love horses.
I love my cat.
I love the calm feeling after getting over something emotionally trying.
I love finding something you thought you lost.
I love finding long lost money.
I love stars.
I love love.
I love a good ass. (appreciate)
I love the thought of finding self-actualisation.
I love the thought of people finally finding self-actualisation.
I love the thought of people not being ignorant.
I love floating, with my ears dipped underwater so I only hear incoherent babble in the background.
I love Bon Iver.
I love the Llorando scene in Mulholland Drive.
I love stationery.

The moment my hate list is longer than Love's, I will re-assess my life and my choices.

Sya.

2011-07-10T08:40:00.000-07:00

It is Sunday night yet again. Such nights are usually filled with ~terror of what's to happen in school(usually due to lack of work). Eh but seriously, I have SO much due soon, it's crazy. Like, dafuckisthisdafuckisthat.gif

I also hope that when we are in London, a certain red head will decide to come down as well. Pahh. Been feeling listless and OH, I've been losing my things as well. Tsk.

This coming tuesday, another session with Htet perhaps. Will be more toned down..I hope.

2011-06-26T22:38:00.001-07:00

Okay, so I didn't die in the end. I managed to come up with something MINUTES before my consultation haaahhh.

Guess I won't be enlisting to the army today. Hoo well. Tomorrow there's a ~Alcool et fromage~ event on our usual piss-at-the-corner rooftop. I can't wait, really. It's to celebrate my apparent existence after the first day of school. The thought of alcool and fromage together makes me wanna shit though.

k I'm going to think of what to bring tomolow. Perhaps jelly, perhaps gummy bears.

See you

2011-06-26T09:19:00.000-07:00

AHHHHHHHHH I STILL HAVEN'T DONE SHIT. DEAD DEAD DEAD.

seriously i'm fucked. and if you're asking why i'm writing here instead of doing said work, then well, cos i feel shitty and oh fuck la.

stfgjf

2011-05-10T10:49:00.000-07:00

TSA photo ahoot today lasted 5hrs and I got home like 11.30. It was fun though. There's a skate session tomorrow and I really should, and I do want to go but every time I put on my skates I feel like the biggest goon and for some reason all my insecurities come out by the bucketful adorning my head like a fruit hat.

It feels like that. Either that or I feel distracted and sad for no reason at all. I used to get sad because I would be skating alone most of the times and being alone means thinking to yourself a lot, which inevitably leads to lonely thoughts. I am practically pacing about on wheels for hours. It's stupid it's stupid, I have control over what happens to me. Self-inflicted bullshit.

I want to skate because there are actually, and I mean it, awesome people I've met there and I.need.to.exercise.

2011-05-02T12:23:00.000-07:00

Skate Camp was awful fun : ) Glad I stayed throughout, instead of leaving on the second day or skipping Thursday evening's part. Yay. I also have to say that I behaved but I can't say I will for the next camp/chalet. Like wasted ah. I mean, true, I had a lot of fun last weekend, but I could have had more fun. Heh.

2011-04-20T14:00:00.000-07:00

It's raining on the wrong day. Thundercunts. Don't want to talk about that, it'll just make me more annoyed.

Anyway, London seems to be confirmed and we're spending 5 days there with 2 days travelling to and fro London. Mostly visiting London Design Festival venues all over. That would mean having no time for Paris, but really understandable. It wouldn't be very fun having to rush anyway. Next time, alone or with i don't know.

Okay, so I'm a tad sad. But since I'm realistic and un-spontaneous and mostly chicken, I'll get over it. I'd love, really LOVE to be spontaneous, but alas, I over-think all the time. There was this wild-ish plan I had of just getting on the train to Paris alone and just spending a day there, wandering around, sit on a wall somewhere and people watch.

Staying away from the plague

2011-04-10T10:57:00.000-07:00

Second post of the night. I just can't wait for cycling next monday. I don't even care if it rains. Okay, slightly cos I'm slightly nervous of boat rides. Something about the sea scares me. So fucking powerful and so beautiful. Not that the sea around the Changi jetty is pretty hahaha. I'm going Ubin with Aung Htet for cycling and I hope this time we (I) last longer than the last time we went, which was right before poly started exactly 2 years ago : ).

When we went that time, I underestimated his strength, thinking his somewhat still recovering thigh would mean he'll be cycling slowly. He still got way ahead of me and I was the slow poke at the back yelling at him to wait up. Sorry I got cranky at times : /
God, come to think of it, I lied to him, saying not to bother explore a certain area "cos it's only for hardcore riders. We won't want to go there, nuh-uh" Haiyo.

In my defence, we were cycling at noon cos Mr Aung Htet was late.
In other news, I have work tomorrow and it's 2am, and I'm not going to bed soon. Shit?

2011-04-10T06:53:00.000-07:00

I feel like going to the Mono gig and I've only just started listening to them a month ago. They're so good and I would pay $50 or so to watch them, I would. I hope Peaches will come back and if Die Antwoord comes down here to singapore, YOU BEST BET I'D BE THEREEEE. I need to profess my love to Yolandi Vi$$er. A lot of things are happening in April:

13-14 April- Borders Clearance Sale
15 April- Last day of internship, Vollmond Bier party at Post Musuem, submit EDS topic
17 April- Getting lenses, specs for ken, Really Really Free Market at Post Museum
21-22 April - Sherman's shindig
23 April- Skate prep camp
25 April- School starts
29 April- 1 May- Skate Camp

HOW TO SAVE MONEY FOR MY TRIP? Also because I told Dhirah I'd go to Two Door Cinema Club with her, but now I'd rather go for Mono. She gon' flay me alive.

Good morning

2011-03-13T12:03:00.000-07:00

So my neck hurts haha. I think I must have slept on it funny, but it happens pretty often. Last night I met up for late dinner with sammo wyan sherman and zac. While walking through City Link, I felt like there wasn't enough air and there were so many peopl. K fine I was a tad cranky. I don't do crowds too much either. Ever since the start of my internship, I've been cherishing my weekends more, such as sleeping in and so on.

I think I sound like I'm still in the midst of waking up. ps. there is a cute French intern

Wednesday

2011-03-09T05:39:00.000-08:00

I would have stabbed my neck today at work if I could. I was so incompetent. dumbfuckkkk. I contemplated just painting for the rest of my life if this never works out in the future. That's crazy, I won't let that happen. I'll make this work. I'll make sure. Also because, I can't really paint for shit.

I was careless and complacent and no I'm not too hard on myself. Siao. Everything has to go correctly. So yeah, that's what it is. I must be super! and alert and swift. I really really want to do well.

I hope tomorrow will be better.

2011-02-26T09:04:00.000-08:00

So here I am in a room in Sentosa. I am tired and drained but there's that feeling of not feeling totally done yet for the night. Damn sian. I bet everyone's asleep and Natt's let me use her macbook. Meh. Plus, I left my toiletries bag in the other room. Double meh. Means I have to walk out doors away in my haven't-bathe face to take my bag. Walao.

My posts recently have sounded like little bouts of exclamation, it's quite annoying to me haha.I realise my other blog which has a black background sounds a lot better cos of its flow, although they're all emo.I find all these bouts of short sentences also mean that I'm just not putting a lot of thought into this.

Sentosa is a mafaking rip off place, I swear. $7 for 5 sticks of satay everyone!I am so tired my eyelids are going down halfway. Agghh

See ye!

StoneD

2011-02-25T10:56:00.000-08:00

I'm supposed to be up in about 4 hours or so, but I'm not asleep yet, but semi packed though! :) We're having a TSA retreat to Sentosa for the weekend and I don't know if i'm going to have my period then or not. Who knows these things. Anyway, the point is, I don't even have slippers thus I am in the most unSentosa mood. Sure I can buy slippers from 7 11, but they will all have floral patterns. Knn is it so hard to manufacture plain ass slippers. Not everyone wants to have floral slippers kay. I just had a longwinded discussion with Tiara, macam mission on where to get a better deal on slippers.

I got back from teh tarik and then some. And now I am here, not able to get a move on to wash up. To be honest, I like nights like these, where it rains, I put on my hoody, walk under it, meet friends. Awesome weather etc. It does suck though leaving the place before your friends : ( They call me party pooper. I have this awesome dream where I want to have my own place and have minimal furniture, have a bar (lolol) err, yeah. Then i will act yi ge arrange to have horse riding lessons because I'm assuming I will have my own money to do so, but I'm not sure about time.

The last year had me planning/thinking about my future a lot. At least more than when I started poly. Sooo, I'm going to sell my soul to advertising. Shit pun unintended. Ya but, I don't know if I want to do that, or at least I don't want to do write something I don't believe in. My hands will be tied. But I will love what I do, and I'll do good.

Mm, so like that la. I start my internship on monday. I'm looking forward to it. I might die or I might thrive under pressure. I want to make friends though!

Ahh okay see ya!

Yipee

2011-02-23T06:40:00.001-08:00

My macbook arrived yesterday afternoon. So happy hehhe. Is it strange that I think my fingers feel too filthy against the keyboard the first time? Even the exterior. I'm not a crazy Mac stan or anything but I have this thing about being very very careful around things that are packaged very nicely. I tend to preserve packaging as best as I can. I'm a packaging stan.

I spent today hanging out with my fattyso of a cat : 3 One of those almost rare days that he seems to like me a lot. Haha must cherish. I've also been having flu these past few days which has kept me mostly indoors > : | I want to go out!! This is my only free week before my internship starts next monday. Mom's sick too, today I told her to go ahead eat ice cream show your immune system who's BOSS. Well, cos I did..and um I had a hacking fit later on but she doesn't have to know.

2011-02-15T08:10:00.000-08:00

I sometimes think I really will be forever alone.

2011-01-31T09:30:00.000-08:00

I really crush on anything that walks. I miss that feeling, to be honest. Not the anything that walks bit though haha. The potential He might like me too feeling, is mad awesome. Somehow even the sad feelings are worth something. It's about having something to look forward to, after a year of feeling defensive and wary. It made me into this cynical frowny hag on the inside. I'm gonna burst out of it bitcheeeeezzzzzzz. Haha, back to heart-on-sleeve girl? I thought I'd be safer therefore happier by being protective and careful, but I'm bored. And about to die from it. So hell.

Okay, BRING IT.

2011-01-17T05:49:00.000-08:00

"There's nothing to imagine, that's why they don't exist." - Rupert Birkin, Women in Love- D.H. Lawrence
***********

I know I write about trains on and on, but I think this one really matters. Do you ever come across really good looking people and somehow you imagine in your head that they might be interested too? You spend the whole trip maintaining a face while trying to look nonchalant but you horrendously fail. I had that. Just now. Hmmrf. You also hope he talks to you LOL. But who talks to a stranger in trains here? Unless they've dropped something.

Anyway, I would want to start conversations with people on trains someday. Sadly, I lack guts.

2011-01-14T10:26:00.000-08:00

So I put off my essay draft until I am here at 2.30am on a friday night..doing drafts. Normally when I am chionging work on a Friday night, is when I have to die die print on Saturday. Hmmrfff, I guess this is for watching The Prestige last night instead of working. I told anyone who did not have the choice of not listening that I watched The Prestige and if they hadn't, they best better. I was thinking while sitting on Dover Mrt's platform, if Daniel Day-Lewis could have played Angier. Wow.

The weather's been great. I've been having an easy week. Oh BK opened this monday in school. I'll most probably update again if I feel sad and empty. As usual.

2010-12-30T02:28:00.000-08:00

Almost there!
Will be like a mad woman in bras basah tomorrow. Printing always gets me nervy.

2010-12-28T09:49:00.001-08:00

Ourghhg. This coffee table book ridonkulousness. I'll make it.

2010-12-24T01:37:00.000-08:00

I watched Mermaids today. I remember watching it a couple of years back :D I love love love Winona Ryder. Cher was a flawless HBIC too.

Oh and,

Monday, Friday and Saturday

2010-12-18T11:22:00.000-08:00

Maybe it's the weather or something, but I've been feeling rather peaceful these past few days. The weather and hanging out with Ken. Everytime we meet, we always tend to talk about astrology, improving our lives, the state of humankind oh all sorts. Little has changed since we were about 13-14. It's great that he has more time too, now that he's in the army.

Monday was the dinner party at Ken's! Aung htet, Samuel and I went over and we helped with cooking and all, haha. Kecoh fun. "Goddamit don't use the chopsticks!" "Pour olive oil in the gnocchi now!! More!!" "THE BREAD!!" And then we had some fantastic salad, which was only rocket leaves and cherry tomatos, but the dressing was some good shit. Hmm, the onion soup, was a lot of wine ahahha, but it was a lot fun preparing it all. We should have another :D This time, we'll have more time with dessert.

Went to town on Friday with Ken after video editing with Hui Mian in school. We met around 11ish but ended up talking till 1ish at macs I think! But I think I would have been almost clueless if I had gone alone to edit : /

Followed him to buy xmas presents while I looked for Lego people for my project. Goodness fuck, $3.90 apiece? Since whenhsfkskdj. Didn't buy pfft. I'll borrow my old ones at home I guess. We had Skinny Pizza and I'll have to go back. I think I dreamt of sage that night. We sat outside Wheelock for an hour or so of solid talking. I don't mind doing nothing but talking sometimes, if you've noticed..hah. We discussed our life plans. I talked about how I was concerned that I would be unhappy by making writing, which I love a job. He said something about how if it means so much to me, it should be a part of myself that I shouldn't even think of it as an interest that I might "like or not like" anymore. It made me feel better and hopefully that will help in the future. I can forsee those Peggy Olsen-crying-in-bathroom episodes in my future. That is, if I'm even a ~Peggy Olsen~. Meh.

Today was prata day at Railmall with Ken again. I love that place. Everything in that area. The KTM train bridge, the hills, trees, the people seem nicer too! I don't mind moving there. Went back to his place and ate bread, baked pumpkin and looked up some more astrology stuff. I'm on my way to Obesityland. Bread with generous butter was so good, though.

2010-11-28T10:02:00.000-08:00

At nights where I stay up and do work, It really helps to have someone to talk to while you're at it. You don't feel lonely, but no one's up at 4am or 3 am. And I can't be forcing (coughsuggestingcough) someone to stay up with me. Tsk tsk. You know what, the next time I'm doing an all-nighter, I'll go to Omegle.

Such is my life~

Pink wig thick ass give em whip lash

2010-11-13T10:10:00.000-08:00

It's not fair, I've been good sort of. Good in the sense that I have not been a major bitch or ruined someone's life. So it's not fair that you get to be all smiley and in love. You are fucking trash but you have someone. Wut, but despite all that, I miss having ~drama. I'm so bored now, I don't even have a crush. Having a crush motivates me to go to school heh. Currently my crushes are all the half-assed kind. The ooh but dies down tremendously after a few days. Maybe because I don't see them very often.

(pause: Nicki's verse in Monster makes me want to implode in a good way pphrraawww) Listening to that part again.

Back to my lack of love life again, ahh. I'll just fall in love with a tree I suppose. Then I should have done that in Tokyo because their trees are so pretty. You see,

Right?

unsatisfied satisfaction

2010-08-10T09:12:00.000-07:00

Is it this feeling of inadequacy? ngnhghg it's more of trying to find some piece and without this piece I don't feel whole. If I've felt whole before, then I must have lost it sometime when I put myself in something that went away. Not quite the return investment. Thing is, I know where I lost it. It's inaccessible, it really is. Like that lor. No, but I can get it back. I have to build it back up somehow.

I can't even get myself to write out everything I feel in here, not even the fact that perhaps there are about 2 of you reading, I still feel 'unsafe'. I go to my other blog, which I'm certain has an audience of zero people I know in real life. I don't care if i don't know them. I feel more comfortable that way. I am so conscious, and they are only words.

I haven't adjusted to the fact that you are not him. I find myself going,"But HE would've told me". Yeah he's not you and you're not him.

"You'll find someone great. Trust me."
"Where else can I find someone who would snap my strap while cycling?"

I mean I guess they all don't have that fucked up part where they have a girlfriend actually, but they don't look at me with that without-a-doubt look, like you know what's really in my head and you've-got-nothing-to-worry-about and then the I've-got-it-all-under-control-now, and there's the I-believe-in-you look.

I think the difference is that I knew the vulnerable side of you. I knew you were vulnerable and I knew where. Trusted the hell out of you inside out. I really did.

*you know I realise that if you were to find this I might..just..die* I just have a lot of feelings okay!

You opened up and I expect the others to do the same ugh. I know it doesn't work that way. So if you do find this, (hopenothopenothopenot) I hope that you are self-assured and found most of the answers to your questions that were hounding you about life, death and us.
I have yet to do some amount of marketing. kum lan

I thought about this on the way to school this morning: That the opportunities to love passes by us daily, if not more, but it's our closed hearts that make us unable to see. So there's no waiting for love, but just opening up when you want to. Love is.

Have to go do some marketing now/oh sigh

Bye

Oh my god, I have a lot of work all due in about 3 weeks

2010-08-10T08:23:00.000-07:00

Fasting starts tomorrow and I hope I can make it. Yeah I know I should be doing my work, but oh please please I need to let off some steaaaam.

Last night, I closed my eyes to sleep and pretended I was in New York. Exactly the same, except probably much colder. I don't think it would feel any different if I was in a different country sleeping. It was like this experiment. I also realise I have this escapism habit of thinking. It's pretty bad to be honest. I'm never grounded, always pretending.

One thing I learnt today: You don't mess with orange juice next to an imac. *slaps forehead*

O sya.

I thought I could reach over the table and get a hold on it, but the plastic bag slipped from my fingers and it tipped over but without much drama. Only a little bit spilled out kjsdhgdkfjgh thank godddd. Managed to wipe it off gah

This evening I was supposed to go meet tiara/soshi for dinner but both couldn't make it, so I joined the rest of the evening crowd home. LRT train ride made me wonder how passenger rage does not occur as often as road rage. I.don't.get.it.

This might be my impatience, but it truly annoys me when you're at a station and trying to get to a spot at the end of the platform say, and there's someone who's in your way, moving extremelyfuckingslowly, as if not entirely sure if he wants to move in this direction or not, then in the end, he does decide to move up and he takes your marfarking spot. knn.
Or those that obstruct human traffic going inside trains. Like what the fuck are you doing obstructing human traffic??Move a step back! god.

I should just stay home. High-risk Passenger Rage.

Oh I need to write about something more relaxing. This is getting me all flustered. Fuck. And pouty. My fingers hurt from typing wrongly. I'm sure that's why. You know how you're supposed to type with all fingers? I mainly do so with my indexes and right middle finger. gg already. I'm going to type another post and not delete this as intended.

2010-06-20T11:02:00.000-07:00

just saying that redbull has kicked in at it's 202am.i'll try my very very best not to compromise grammar so i know this will take ages to post as my fingers are moving faster than my brain is. quite. woahwoah this is okay because this doesn't involve streess but when it does, like normally a fay before a dateline, i'd be puking this second or shaknig and crying. i remember that one hah. i was making this paper brickboy modeled after edward scissorhands and sfosdgj i thought i wouldn't be able to complete it. damn it was like 4ish. i was veeeeeeery incompetent. silly. ~puked and cried i did oh i remember it wasnt redbull i drank it was like nescafe iced mocha . that was rank. okay, so it's because i gulped it all down in three gulps. my eyess couln't focus!
new paragraph!
goddamn how am i going to work when i've (sister hur hur )discovered a site where i can watch mad men with no players telling me i've watched 72hr, so i have to wait 48min screw you. i ate sooo much meat today. weajsdl syaaa
okok i'ver got to end this here lest i get tired and can't even do shit .
buuuhbyessssssssssss

Why I haven't been blogging

2010-05-01T23:14:00.000-07:00

You know, I guess I do have a lot to say. It's just that I realise that I'm a very private person actually. I find it uncomfortable to have to verbalise my thoughts and feelings, and have them put up here. It's just urghh. I just sound like I'm whining a lot and I'm thinking of what people are thinking when they are not haha.

So henceforth, I say fuck all.

I don't feel like documenting that fail-o-rama of a guy I was seeing months back, because he is not real to me. Yeah, he made me resentful and unable to trust but he is not worth being remembered.
Recently, I've been on a rageful streak, a.k.a PMS. Only mine is towards the end of my period. It's when I get annoyed extremely easy and I give out short outbursts of SHUT UP everyday.

Yesterday morning, I cried over a bowl of hijacked cereal. My mother saw me pouring kokocrunch and being the healthy parent she is, ran to the cupboard and got out a pack of some healthy bixie wheat thingy and poured it all over my cereal, DESPITE MY TWO HANDS COVERING THE BOWL and I had crumbs all over my hands too because Mother doesn't care. I didnt't mind the wheat bits but they had a lot of crumbs in them which will all get soggy when I pour my milk in. It's just that I came to the kitchen with this light happy feeling, knowing I'll be eating kokocrunch and cold milk, and it's being spoiled. Why must it be spoiled. why.
So I took another bowl and seperated those wheat shits and removed as much crumbs as I could before pouring the milk in. I ate them too, but seperately.

I wasn't in the mood for communication after that. I didn't feel like talking, unless being give instructions or something technical like that. No mood for chit chat. I had my music plugged in and I went about hanging clothes.

My current state of mind

I don't allow myself to look for love. I'm driven to do well in design. Oh love is everwhere, I just don't stop by to say hi. I cannot allow myself ! *exasperated face* Look what happened when I do. I could get close to a guy then I think about what happened and what can happen with all these douchenozzles in the world.
I'm taking care of myself by being careful. I'm also going to join my school's skate club, in an effort to exercise hurhur. I'm looking forward to it, really. I want my own skates too and Mother is very supportive because it's something physical and she's been saying I don't get any exercise. Yay, there is a chance I will get me some new skates.

Signs

2010-04-11T09:40:00.000-07:00

Talk to me.

2009-12-09T00:49:00.000-08:00

It plays like a gif. in my head. Like one of those in ONTD except this one's not funny.

adblock adblock adblock

2009-12-02T07:07:00.000-08:00

you thought I was kidding when I said if this plan fails, I'm going to run to malaysia and ride horses all day.

2009-11-27T02:17:00.000-08:00

When things are bad in school, I always feel like running off to Malaysia for some reason. Maybe because it's just somewhere far and people don't know me there. Just leave class and take the goddamn bus. I want to go there and not be found.

People get so annoying after a while.

I'll miss you

2009-10-10T12:17:00.001-07:00

It's true! I'm not just saying it!

We'll still meet anyway :) T14 and T5 are far, only in our heads

Forms

2009-09-02T07:33:00.000-07:00

origami calms me down. i sit quietly,fold and cut. I'll be sitting,folding and cutting a lot these days. Only because it's fasting month and cannot get my redbull fix when necessary.
The grief you cause me.

brain juice

2009-07-24T21:48:00.000-07:00

i think you've gone off. picked up your baggage of feelings and moved along. [you nabeh chao cheebye. don't la eh]. And you're going to forget, it's inevitable. When that happens, you'll smile more, ponder less and speak more insensitively. I would too. I know it's such a bother everytime you want to go meet her, you say someone instead of plainly just saying it. Then again, i got myself in this.

In other news, i dreamt of MJ last night. it was awesomeeee and we danced together while other people around us frowned and shook their heads. He was still black then. dreamt about distressing things as well. i woke up with dried blood on my lip.

bye

2009-07-19T00:29:00.000-07:00

I AM MISSING A LOT OF MY STATIONERY UGH

ACCORDING TO THE ORDER OF WHAT WENT MISSING FIRST

MECHANICAL PENCIL- last seen: gah can't even remember. in another bag?
NT PENKNIFE- last seen: working on Escher model. even Faris snapped a pic of it haha
RULER- last seen: pencil case

3 might not seem a lot but they are important to me : ( If i can't find them, i'd have to go replace them, which means putting my tofu oyako shopping on hold again. I've also banned myself from drawing money out. too often too often. i've got another pencil, knife and ruler but they are sub standard. i take my stationery seriously.
Will go create a list of what i need.

see you

and my kneecaps frozen

2009-06-19T22:32:00.000-07:00

for fuck's sake. : ((((((( so much for wanting to take a break from love this year.
ice cream for dinner, that's what.

2009-06-05T00:19:00.000-07:00

miss piggy didnt exactly work today. I am zoning out in my photoshop class.i did not sleep last night. red bull made my heart race. Having spent the entire night on photoshop, i do not want to see it anytime soon, not for a 4 hour lesson.

miss piggy is my lucky underwear. not exactly glam but yeah. and i'm fucking breaking out ugh. I want to ride horsesss. i love kai.
---
#update
That was before deciding to ditch class in the end hahaa. Kai hijacked my keyboard, as you can see. It wasn't so bad afterall, i know i was complaining and all.

the holidays are hereeee and i've been sleeping a lot, so that's good.

2009-05-31T02:51:00.000-07:00

Ok, so i have all these datelines next week right?

i also seem to think it was swell to download Chip's Challenge, this Window's '95 game, which was THE SHITE. Last time i played was, what, 8 years ago? ahaha so i'm a bit rusty, but nevermind, youtube has been aiding me. and ughh it is so fun hehe. It brings back childhood memories as welllll we all thought my dad was a hero who got to complete past level 10 or something.

Oh this reminds me of Hocus Pocus. We'd sit till late in front of that big ass computer, thumping on the keyboard. ohh 1999 : *)

2009-05-29T22:38:00.000-07:00

We played hotel626 during our photoshop lesson yesterday. And that's a quarter of an Adi. It's a lot less scarier when you play during class and you cheat by changing the timing of your computer clock : D The website will snap a picture of you with your webcam and there's one part where you have to find your photo amidst others' in a room before some ghost pops up.

aiyaaa i have so much to doooo. Can't wait for holidays can't wait.

Ooh, but after class, me and khairil went to his club bbq at 7, where i ate my dinner hee. Apparently you have to pay $8 but in what world would i want to pay that, sheesh. so yeah haha. grilled burgers and otah-otah. He brought his sec school friend Joshua/ Ahmad and we talked and ate.

I came home to lamb ribs. Wonderful night.

oh ya, i want to mention how concerned i am over the losing of my butt. Since the holidays, i've been just sitting around mostly, and when school started. The firmness is no more : / or so i think. It doesn't help much that i have to edit pictures all day for Graphic Comm.'s assignment. nooooo

because i felt shitty

2009-05-28T08:25:00.000-07:00

I decided to watch Fight Club and sip redbull the afternoon away. Well, that was on the train back home today. Thennn i calmed down somewhat and agreed that more redbull was not going to do any good, since i hadn't eaten anything yet. Plus 3/4 of a can from last night, it's just going to corrode the inner lining of my stomach, which i don't want happening. Lately i've been having quite a number of wanting-to-CP people instances and i'm not that violent. Ahh whatever, i settled for a bag of cheese balls in the end. It's still in my bag and i don't feel like eating it,not till next week.

I took a series of naps instead from 3-ish to around 9. GOD THEY WERE AWESOME. Other then the time my mom woke me up because the tv in her room blew out and thought i should be ~up and about should there be fire. ahh there was just some smokey smell and i went back to sleep.

Gist of what i dreamt about:

there was a sale at one of those Cd shops!
unprecedented things occuring that i wouldn't mind happening in real life sdkjgjdgn
i was wearing my obnoxious hot pink bathrobe around.

it was a good dream.

Aiya but the thing about naps is that i always stay stone-y for the rest of the day. ugh don't know why.

2009-05-27T06:52:00.000-07:00

i wanted to post something so badly just now during class. Alas, the connection was being bitchy so gurgh, had surpressed feelings of wanting to verbally cunt punt somebody. i really did leh, but now ok already. hahh so trashy of me.

from under my nose! honestly!

2009-05-24T06:10:00.000-07:00

my cough is starting to annoy me. Most of the time they're the one time sudden cough. But sometimes, they threaten to blow my head off. They end with my face all red and my heart thumping. ehfjgktyolgkf

I've been lazy to look for new music to listen to gahh. I shouldn't, i really shouldn't. Motivate me so. There's really no point in listening to old songs other than to re-live moments. I will look, i promise.

I miss fathin and tiara. i'm not even going to bother to wait till the end of the post to make some sort of shoutout. it's not a shoutout, it's Content. OH FUCK SIA WE NEED TO MEET.
That is the level of urgency i feel. It's funny, back in sec school, we'd laugh and scoff about how we'd never want to come back to visit after we graduate. Now i want to put on my uniform and walk to school while fishing for my tie in my bag without pulling out my earpiece as well. ah well.
wait wait, i also miss going to recess. i ate like a pig then. we'd have TWO recesses and my canteen sold junk food so yay. Sneaking snacks to class and tiara crying over excess gravy.

good times, [ i wonder if my poly mates are alright with the idea of upskirting ]

2009-05-17T06:07:00.000-07:00

Two days ago.

We went to Chinatown for photography class and i didn't think i'd enjoy it more than botanic gardens. But with the awesome weather and colour schemes and that beautiful temple, yeah. We left early though because it rained.

I got so excited in the middle of it that i didn't concern myself with apertures and whatnot. Giddy high on all the colours and broken pieces of urban landscape. I'd walk and snap at the same time.

Product of said highness

Tomorrow will consist of me telling adi about Crosshatch stitch which is like Blanket stitch but the other way round so our stitches won't be visible from the outside. He will ask me to teach him but i won't. I will use it as a mode of threat throughout the day, that i won't teach him if he keeps annoying me. Then in the end i'll say the stitch does not exist. He'll jab me to death, that woman beater. bahaha

my life is sad.

got to go back sewing

bye

i kiss you on the brain

2009-05-12T08:04:00.000-07:00

i had like 2 hours of sleep last night. not bad ah sya. We're going to make a plushie for FDS and a kinetic mobile for VAS. For the first time, im looking forward to FDS more. I've GOT to thank my very valued sec 2 home econs project. My hands are getting dry from being in air conned rooms the entire day. I leave my house with decent hair, all behaving and everything. Then at school, create havoc. Kembangan party. Oh well.

School's okay, i've met more people, all nice : ) it's quite amazing, i haven't heard anyone bitch about anybody yet!

They had a CCA showcase the other day, i didnt' join anything though. no time ah. oh but then i saw a paintball club. Sounds fun but aiyaa.

i've got to prepare presentation alreadyyyy

bye

first day

2009-04-20T05:46:00.000-07:00

unfortunately, i can never have an event-less first day of school. So i HAD to fall sick in the middle of the night and woke up with swollen glands and a fever. I knew i was sick because i had weird ass dreams visiting me in and out in and out. gahh. When i got to school it was just the nasuea. Then we had to do some brick boy thing out of paper and i lost my shit. I don't know why but i was so stressed about it. sigh, it's just paper goddamit. Before we even started, i cut my finger with my bangle.

I really want tomorrow to be better!! so i won't suddenly break out in frowns unnecessarily. Yay, i'm looking forward to drawing class tomorrow. Hopefully no building of brick boys or whatever.

bye

2009-04-15T05:54:00.000-07:00

Today was my third day at orientation, and surprisingly! i actually made many friends. I made friends. I call it many when i can't count how many hands i've shook in a span of three hours.
well, it's a far, far improvement from sec 1. I just mostly gave people ~evils.

so yayy i'm not walking around like some social retard fucknut. I've also realised i'm more outspoken and not too apprehensive to mention anything to a group of people. I IZN'T SCARED NO MORE. nyeaha

We have flag day tomorrow in town and now i'm starting to think whether i need stuff, like more stationery. i need notebooks. or do i. I'm pretty excited. Although i have to leave my house when it's still dark, and wake up before 6, yah well.

UBINUBINUBINUBINUBIN !!

bye

2009-04-08T09:22:00.000-07:00

i'm writing this as i wait for peter pan to load. i don't care he's so charming.goodness.
also, i think i'm coming down with the flu or something. my eyes are all hot now.

School's starting really soon too. omg whaa, next next week? at least me dhirah and khairil will be in the same area. and i will miss the feeling of waking up at 12.

i need to meet tiara at 12. nnghh must go sleep now

2009-04-05T11:43:00.000-07:00

I watched a Mythbusters episode a couple of days ago, the one where they blew up a jawbreaker by heating it in a micro for certain amounts of time. Apparently a couple of kids thought it was swell to do so, but got burnt really,really bad.

NO SHITE.

*eyes box of Gobstoppers next to me*

i downloaded this film off youtube which we watched in sec 2 during history. It made us all tear i think. Grave of the Fireflies. i played it last night but stopped halfway, just knowing it's going to be shit depressing and i wasn't in the mood : /
Early this year i found a box of fruitdrops selling at 7-11 near my place, it had the little girl character on it, holding her tin of fruitdrops omggg. so yeah, film memento.i bought it.

eh, speaking of films, i've been reminding myself to re-watch The Wrestler

bye

#edit, Now i can't go watch my movie because someone pointed out that i had many tagboards. It bothered me enough to go toggle with the template, which has been left untoggled in agessss. yah well, it just looks crooked now. i'll get back to it i guess. Mickey Rourke's calling : D

2009-03-17T05:23:00.000-07:00

First of all, it is not often that i do this. In fact, i don't do this. BUT BECAUSE THERE IS THIS GIRL THAT HAS PROFESSED HER LOVE FOR ME ON THE WORLD WIDE WEB, i shall.

Also because she was very generous with her food with me during madrasah.

1: Besides your lips, where is your favorite spot to get kissed?

Lucy Liu once said behind the knee is a good spot. I have yet to try.

2: How do you feel when you woke up this morning [ noon, actually ]?

awesome. For once in a long time, there was no one yelling at me it is 13 o'clock. true story.

3: Who was the last person you took a photo with?

last night with my sister. we were messing with her webcam. we made vagina faces and pretended we were stranded on the moon. hoohoo

4: Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?

nah don't so.

5: Would you ever donate blood?

oh mann, i don't like needles, but i would like to, someday : /

6: Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex?

pfffff jhyeahh

7: Do you want someone dead?

no, but you knowww last night, i dreamt i beat up mrs Tan forealzz. she wouldn't release us from school so i went apeshit and, well, yeah haha

8: What does your last text message say?

it's tiara asking me whether i want anything to munch on before she comes to my house to watch Billy Elliot [ he grew up hot! ]

9: What are you thinking of right now?

having to rush through this because V for Vendetta is in 8 min

10: Do you wish someone was with you right now?

no i'm pretty fine on my own now *looks over shoulder*

11: What time did you go to sleep last night?

12: Where did you buy the T-shirt you are wearing now?

Bukit View bookshop

13: Is someone on your mind right now?

no no no

14: Who was the last person to text you?

tiaraaaaa

#edit, total fuck up on fonts gack.

ok, off to watch V.f.V and so should you!

2009-03-15T10:38:00.000-07:00

I just realised i missed dinner two nights in a row. aiya now my stomach's grumbling and it's 1:39am. a.k.a., i don't really want to go into my kitchen and all cos it's kinda creepy. gahh

till next time something epic happens, bye

what I get from spying

2009-03-14T06:29:00.000-07:00

today i was sent out twice to get a lightbulb, first time having bought the wrong size.
was almost sent out the third time.

" This is too long! "

" Holy hell "

luckily it fit! goodnesss, it was noon. i would have to walk across a big-ish field with no shade whatsoever and it was blazing.

i finally got my internet working on my lap top. Now it's just flash that won't want to install. Like i told aung htet, baby steps, baby steps. i got my wireless mouse to work yesterday, internet today, then maybe flash tomorrow or later. Currently, i can't watch anything :/

i watched beauty and the beast last night for old time's sake. I realised i probably understood 3/4 of its dialogue when i watched it 14 years ago.

You know, i really like Beast. sucha BAMF.

Note to self: do not read creepypasta when you'll be alone at home in the next 10 min.

2009-03-02T07:12:00.000-08:00

omfg i want to cry already sia. im applying for this cpf thing and THE PAGE JUST WON'T LOAD. GODDAMN. I TRIED AND I TRIEDDDDD GSKJDHGDKJGHKD. and when it decides to load, it won't show what i need to read so i can tick the box to agree to whatever shit it says.

brb tearing hair out

2009-02-18T07:29:00.000-08:00

wah laus. will this be my life then. hanging clothes all day, actually seriously thinking they should organize some sort of competition because i'd beat all their asses down in clothes hanging. Then there's the ~Colour Order~.

i need to get outtttt. You know what though, about this housework thing, I'm only ever going to really like it, ie. get obsessive like Monica or i'm going to detest the shit out of it.

oh my god i NEED to get out.

2009-02-15T05:38:00.000-08:00

i have never laughed so much in madrasah ever.

we were being entertained by 2 fake mustaches that were purchased from a $1 machine.we posed and took pictures. cover both ends, you get a Hitler. Place them on your eyebrows, you get a Helga Petacky. We must do a complete photo shoot next week!

it was probably the 5th time this month i watched Girl, Interrupted. I SWAR IMMA WATCH IT AGAIN~~

i've watched Benjamin Button, Slumdog Millionaire and i plan to watch The Wrestler but the cinema gods forbid me.

I forgot today was Total Defence Day. I just sat down on my sofa, munching my brunch when the fucking alarm sounded. I was wondering what the hell and oh-must-switch-on-radio. My first thought was, can this HDB building be bombed down? Not that i was thaaat concerned. I still found time to finish chewing my bread. Until, of course, it hit me. Realised it all when i heard the usual on the radio. Cursed the stupid thing and went back watching tv.
Seriously though, that would be my exact reaction if it was real.

Today, I concluded that by me, wearing a modest baju kurung and a tudung does not keep guys' attention away, contrary to popular belief. Not that I do, in my usual clothes in the first place anyway. If maybe, I come to that point in my life where I realise I am not going to make fetch happen by just Being, I might come out of my house wearing a blanket over my head. Vision, not being top priority.

bye

2009-02-10T04:36:00.000-08:00

-sorry.been too busy being a slob.

2009-01-14T03:22:00.000-08:00

oh i am sad. My lovely Mr Quinto is gay.

That goes to show that i have a very very faulty gaydar. This will add on to my not-so-modest collection of Finding Out My Crush Is In Fact Gay folder.

Therefore it is the inevitable that i will die an old spinster with a habit of collecting decade old Readers Digest magazines and probably 12 cats.

2009-01-12T21:21:00.000-08:00

i shall be naming my son Zachary.

or daughter.

2009-01-02T07:16:00.000-08:00

I HATE MY MOUSE

i can't play some decent CS without my diseased mouse going screwy !

IT KEEPS JUMPING ALL OVER THE PLAAAACE!!!!!!! RRHGGHFGHGFH

and because of that i die. MUST.GET.NEW.MOUSE.

2008-12-23T08:52:00.000-08:00

gaahh i'm so annoyed. WHY WON'T CS RUNNNNNN. dumb shit of a computer.

( To be fair, you have provided me with moments of joy before, but HONESTLY it's not even the latest version so just get on with it you're just lazy! )

Or maybe my computer just disapproves me shooting people about with AK-47s.

( Then my brother can ah, i cannot. SEXIST )

what am i going to do nowww. i shall go watch a movie online if mega video is not being a bitch.

bye

2008-12-21T08:53:00.000-08:00

Today was my final day at work and i think i'm going to miss it after all. I'm definitely going to visit the others soon.

I HAVE SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT I'M NOT SURE WHERE TO START WITH. I keep putting off blogging, so stuff accumulated.
-----
So i stopped with the trail ride. It didn't turn out very well, really. My horse got a bit crazy and kept kicking its hind leg, swishing its head about. I think it was because of the flies or i don't know, pms. What i did know was that we were both unsettled, uncomfortable and did not want to continue. Actually i was just going to hold out till the end of the trail in the woods, which would take about an hour or so, if i could just control him well enough.

i changed my mind when it charged down a slope on a CANTER. WHAT THE FUCK I NEVER LEARNT CANTER I WAS SO SHOCKED LAA. i didn't even asked it to anyway. So by then it really wasn't listening to me anymore, and by that, it meant it could have just bucked me off since he really wasn't enjoying the whole thing either. I told the guide i wasn't comfortable on the horse and can i please get off.

After i got off i thought, ok, thats it then, i can just walk back to the lodge and silently shake away my shock till my 4pm training, but this horse was so adamant to make me more scared of horses than i already had slightly become. Which was sad, since i love them and all.

My horse and the guide's horse had to get in a eye-to-eye duel sort off, circling around and being all aggressive. It wasn't like they were little ponies man, they were those ex-race horses kind, huge, muscular stallions. They are taller than you and they are 5 metres from trampling/kicking you to death. I kept having to change positions when either one of them had their ass facing me.
I ended up standing in the middle of some patch of tall lalangs [ inevitably had those lalang seeds stuck all over my pants ] until the stable guys came over to take me and the horse away.

When one of them got on to my horse, it went all zorro like, standing on its hind legs. I was just standing there, hands on my head, mouth gaping-ish.

i almost cancelled my training cos i thought i couldn't stand to smell another horse without freaking out. i really think i was developing a phobia, since i didn't even want to look outwards toward the stables or smell my t shirt. I was also certain i would get nightmares.

I'M SO GLAD I DIDN'T CANCEL. i managed to convince myself and i'm really really glad for it. Jay, my instructor told me horses can sense your panicky-ness and they bully you. pah.

anyway, it was an awesome lesson because i really improved my up trot and i did it without holding the saddle this time hee hee. And then we did the down trot. That had a lot of bouncing in it, especially because you don't do much, just relax your body and don't fall.

I wonder how all those old western people rode on horses, ran away from the police on horses. It's almost impossible to look straight without your vision going wonky!

Anyway, the entire trip, experience was worth the bruises and all. We'd go to the stables at night and feed the horses carrots, read books on their sofa after dinner, watch some horse running around the paddock and rolling in the sand.

i want to go back there. It really felt like home, since it wasn't those bigass kind of hotel. Oh and i left my toothbrush there. hahaa
------

Work has left me with the tip of my big toes numb

see you

2008-12-13T17:33:00.000-08:00

oh look, now when i am online, nobody else is. i'm not even in singapore. So yes, i am at the Rider's Lodge and my dear sister has brought along her lappy to actually do work-on a holiday. While they are still outside drinking coffee or tea or juice in the cold, i am in here, finally conected to the entire world for what seemed like ages.

Eversince i started my job i haven't had the time at all to go online. I practically have to rush to sleep. Although, i don't mind my job so much. I got used to standing for around 12 hours selling aromatherapy stuff

it's 9.46 am and i've got a trail ride at 10.30, then its another training session at 5. i hope the drizzle stops, i didnt bring a jacket : /
I had my first training session yesterday and did a bit of trotting. and i swear i thought i was just going to fall off. It's not as easy at it looks for a first timer, all that up down up down up down while the horse is shooting you up and down with its own rhythm.

Maybe if i can get online again, i'll post about the trail ride later on

Tiara and Fathin: WE HAVE TO MEET. STAT.

bye

2008-12-06T07:59:00.000-08:00

just take the goddamn fragrance strip

oh yay tomorrow's the last day we'd be in westmall. So goodbye Batok, hello Bishan. I thought of so many things to blog about while i was slaving away giving out pamphlets on crystal therapy. [ I pretended to finish giving out everything and stashed half of them in my apron pocket ]. It's so boring just standing there and passing out pamphlets.

I drew a nose at the end of the strips i was giving out and wrote," smell here! :) " where i we dabbed the lavender scent because i swear people don't know. i thought my noses were cute at least.

ooh ooh ooh i bought a Jack Sparrow Pez dispenser.

2008-12-01T07:53:00.000-08:00

The scent of Lavender [#edit: Mandarin & Lime Basil, actually] will now remind me of heart ache and a sort of giddiness that radiates throughout when you are around.

It will also remind me of your handshakeeeeeeeeeeeeee. can't control my eees

i have this job selling aromatherapy stuff and i'm mostly stationed around town but for today till the end of the week i'll be at westmall. BLAH. Just today i think i saw half my school. i don't waaaant to be there. Even if it means sleeping in later. I want to be in Bugis where there's a better and more interesting/interested crowd. I step into Westmall and it's like Bukit View Clubhouse.

There's no you either.

Yesterday was wonderful. Isetan Scotts, good sales, Lavender, ran on sugar, didn't feel like dying. In fact, i didn't want 9.30 to come.

I want to see you again, and this time i will ask you what kind of books do you read, what kind of coffee do you like, oh i like your tattoo where'd you get it. I won't pretend not to care about your presence, although i will try to stop bursting out spurts of hyena laughter. I trust you will understand.

Tic Tacs. i am on to Tic Tacs. I have perfected a way of slipping my hand into the front pocket of the apron i wear, opening the flap and popping it into my mouth, while i make it look like i'm only adjusting my specs. I underestimated its tiny size. Those little tablets of happy.

bye

2008-11-19T09:07:00.000-08:00

Prom picturesssss. that first picture up there was the last one for the night and i was rushing so yeaaaa. my hair. oh my. nevermind! there should be more pictures i guess but i didn't bother bringing a camera, so these were all from Tiara.

Prom was pretty fun i guess, laughing, people watching. or both. hee.
OH HAHA. At the end, when me and tiara were going down the lobby steps outside, we saw a pair of bra padding lying on the steps. it probably fell out of some girl's dress, and when she realised, she ran far far far far away. hee heee , should've taken a picture. I mean, it was just lying there, no one noticed them. Me and tiara laughed all the way to my car.

ah well, what a nice closure.

Christian The Lion - Reunited - From

2008-11-11T20:42:00.001-08:00

sweetest thing I've seen in a long time.

2008-11-09T07:02:00.000-08:00

Marvelous.

I always seem to leave smudgy marks all around my eyes when i try remove my eyeliner. Eventually when I do, I'm certain i tore off my skin as well. so yah. I look at some fuckface in the mirror and start thinking maybe, ah heck, leave it on for the night. I think i only did that once when i was super super tired.

It might be because of this story i heard years ago. This opera singer didn't remove her make up before she slept after a performance- there's this belief that your soul leaves your body when you sleep- so when her soul decided to re-enter, it couldn't recognize her and therefore, she never woke up.

OKAAY SO MAYBE IT MIGHT NOT BE TRUE BUT STILL. It creeped me out.

whatever. In the end, my left eye became red because some bit of eye liner got in, plus soap. saighh

oh-look-old-photos-i-dug-out-from-my-phone:

WHERE MY TOFUS AT~hee tofu gang pride class table doodlings '07

madrasah shenanigans

-------------------------

I notice that i tend to make lists as a form of procrastination. They range from anything like shopping lists to favourite/least favourite Lost characters. Either that or i play dress up, plan outfits etc.

Honestly i don't feel the big hype anymore that the Os are ending. Like in 2 days. I can imagine me sitting in the hall in school after they've collected our papers. I will stare out with half my mouth hanging, saying," Now what ".

Oh but of course i know what now. They're not even over but I'm already booked on the day it ends till the end of the week and the week after.

note to self: get new shoes
: don't buy anything on impulse [ no source of income whatsoever ]
: get prom shit. stat.

Mother almost had a fit when i told her i didn't feel like going prom anymore. Mainly because i've already paid. ok fine, it is because i've already paid. guess i'm going then. Will they accept barefooted people? i will have to find some rocking red dress.

till then, bye.

2008-11-06T22:53:00.000-08:00

i had coffee for breakfast and it's now making me nauseous as hell i feel like
vo mi tting.

i stayed up till 4 30 to stone/think. and at 1 ish i was taking a shower and i heard mini blasts one after another. i was wondering if they shot at crows so late at night but they sounded like exploding tyres so i went on with my shower.

Go Ahead- Rilo Kiley.

2008-11-04T03:22:00.000-08:00

im back bitches. sort of.

Tomorrow's malay and then next week is science mcq AND IM DONE.
Everyone's getting jobs and i seem to be the only one not planning to. ALTHOUGH, Mother has mentioned before she would pay me to be her maid for the month! haha

hm. maybe instead of working, i'm going to learn to cook. Somehow i will feel more accomplished by successfully frying awesome salmon or tossing up some thai salad rather than earning $4.50/hr somewhere. IT'S A SKILL. i also think i suck at cooking so this will be good.

I've been quite pissed with youtube recently for removing every video that i plan on watching. Goodbye Little Britain Goodbye misc. snippets of tv shows

TODAY HOWEVER, GOT ME LOVING YOU ONCE MORE.

i got my theme songs from eternal sunshine of the spotless mind and the very rare one from 4:30. THANKYOUTHANKYOU

hahahah i'm so happy to hell with imeem.

bye

2008-10-22T03:16:00.000-07:00

well.

no

2008-10-05T05:17:00.000-07:00

here i am. i'm taking time off from doing chemistry so i can sneak over and get online.
i realise that when i do study, i'm always doing the stuff i know i can do. Take chemistry for example: i KNOW i can do chem, yet i'm always pulling out some random chemistry practice paper and start doing it. it's because i don't want to acknowledge physics. i really don't. shudder.

ooh! i finally spoke to my mom about me dropping poa. and yea , she was a bit reluctant but after all my explaining she understood. she didnt see why i had to drop. she said i can just 'not sit for the paper' . then i told her my cert would look ugly etc.

so yes, i shall be dropping accounts. goodbye to you. i will miss you, you and your multi-columned papers and ledgers. Most of all, i'll miss fathin.
when we first started out in sec 3, we were struggling like shit. we promised each other we'll never be bankers and in the case that one of us do become one, we'll slap each other. one of those pact things.

we got 4/15 for our second test. it was on ledgers and we didn't give a flying fuck. we drew the T-accounts with our charcoal pencil meant for art! hahahaah

i won't forget our lessons last year in freezing conditions, so cold we couldn't write properly.fathin's quite sad im dropping. i am a little, but no way i can study accounts plus all my other subjects.

my little britain calender beside my desk still shows august. i haven't/don't want to flip it

"It'll all be over by Christmas "

bye

2008-09-30T02:14:00.000-07:00

It has been crazy ages but here i am. Partly because aung htet will not stop whining and he cannot get any peaceful sleep until i update.

i am sitting, with the side of my face exposed to the evening sun. With the big old tree gone, the sun is really having a party shining around. its sooo hoooot.

They chopped it down, all of it except for the trunk. It used to house a kazillion number of mynahs and they made SO MUCH NOISE. if you half space out for a while, you would think someone was deep frying stuff in the kitchen.

i haven't been around because i was doing my art. coursework is done and i am sooo glad. Honestly, my life is very boring right now. [ i'm an expert an Jenga ]

thankyouforyourtime

2008-09-08T05:33:00.000-07:00

left school at almost 7 just now. my hair was crazy and all over the place. i ran up and down 3 floors 3 times from the art room to the dnt place to look for a teacher.the third time i went up, i felt like crawling.
i also forgot to bring my nail polish remover ( it works as a eraser for me for my art ) and i left my permanent markers in class. today i very blur :/

a lot of people must have seen me running all over the place just now, even dashing across to wah sin to buy nail polish remover. i was carrying my sketch of my final piece, long ruler and pencil in my front pocket, looking my most purposeful and ambitious as ever. not very glam,but yea.

i actually liked the feeling, however headache inducing it was. it was a feeling of stress together with I'm-going-to-get-this-i-don't-care-what-happens kind of feeling. i seem to thrive under that, apparently.

i find it quite amusing when my non-muslim friends freak out when they see us eat during fasting month. hahaah

selamat tinggal

2008-09-06T03:08:00.000-07:00

i was drawing a lifeless fish's eye just now. then To Sheila started playing, i made it look sad. Couldn't help it. i would have drawn salt water tears if it wasn't for Drop it Like It's Hot right after that.

i don't know where all my socks went to. I used to think they left me for a better place in Sock Planet. i always lose them! or one comes out, the other perishes.

i'm babbling.

bye

music playing cuckatoos

2008-09-01T19:22:00.000-07:00

my class started 20 min ago. i'm still at home because it started raining. A LOT. can't be bothered to use my brolly, not that it'll actually help. this kind of rain.

buy

2008-08-31T06:28:00.000-07:00

am on a short break.will be returning to coordinate geometry and so on in a while.

i can do this. i can.

i wrote something a while back in the afternoon, when i was so sure i would implode from frustration. i grabbed a piece of scrap paper lying around and wrote:

TO TRANSFER TO BLOGSPOT

I DON'T LIKE ART AS AT 31 AUGUST 2008

I LIKE RADIAN

MY NEW BFF

------------

i felt better and i stuck it on the wall in front of me.

in the evening i went to buy sushi as it will be my last time in a month i can buy and consume sushi in the afternoon as often as i please. bye bye ebiko, bye bye unagari.

i read your post,htet, of the air being smoky last night. and it just occurred to me that i was thinking the same thing, that it was probably the last day. yea, it was smoky as hell (pun unintended) . i don't really mind, though. it looked very sleepy hollow-esque. it just needed a black horse ( minus the headless guy!! )

i will go back now. sigh.

thankyouforlisteninghaveaniceday

bye

2008-08-30T08:01:00.000-07:00

This is for my sanity.

here you go:

Spent a ridiculous amount of hours in school. i really really don't want to go into there.
So, moving on.

The point is, i didn't really like today. I don't think i'm slow, i just really want the best to be on the boards. i won't stand it if i get some second grade drawings stuck on just for the sake of completing them.

[ This divider will be so strong, it will prevent me from ever talking about today's shit events ]

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
YESTERDAY

I rather talk about yesterday. It was teacher's day so we got released early AT 10!! haha fine la, 10.15, same thing. met up with ken and the rest and ate. then i went to meet my primary school mates at cck. i ate primary school food! oh the days when a plate of whatever was $0.50.
slacked around for a while in the canteen. Every year, they're restricting us more. This year, we're not allowed to wander arpund upstairs and they actually placed their people to guard the staircases. pah. and the school closed around 1 plus. me jane dhirah khairil syahid and two of dhirah's friends walked to lot 1. despite chaos, we managed to reach lot 1 without getting hit by a car or a missing leg. except dhirah broke her shoe. haha.

went to delifrance and i think it was the nicest part of that day. we were there for quite some time,actually. If not for jane's EXTREMELY late arrival of her calamari, we would have left sooner.
[It is close to 12, i'm still not done yet]
yakked, yakked and ate baguette with butter and my coffee. oo i love butter
Then went to dhirah's house to watch 300 AGAIN. hee actually it was my idea. we watched 300 there exactly one year ago with, the same people, somewhat.

i really like seeing those movies where they all work together and die die will fight, and i guess, win. i swear i don't watch it for the hot bods.sure, they're all fit but they look too CGI. meh. and i find that king, the really tall one, the one who steps on his people when he gets off his throne very beautiful. he's very pretty.

12:07am. i have chemistry tuition in about 10 hours. mother has allowed me to skip madrasah. yay, i'll go and study then.

i want to go buy sushi tomorrow. I MUST! puasa on monday! oh well, 1 month diet.

bye

celaka malapetaka

2008-08-28T07:57:00.000-07:00

recently, my dad has been opening the living room window at night really wide. I like the wind and all, BUT NOT THE INSECTS THAT FLY IN. i don't know how many of those flying shits i had to smack [ actually i make my brother/father do it]. no one else seems to be bothered by them :/

i fed my comot yesterday! oh oh its so cute. and we have a bond. aung htet, i take back what i said about comot being a slut and only pretending to like me because i feed it.

BECAUSE I THINK I BROKE ITS/HER HEART.

i lingered around with it for a while after i fed it. then when i was about to go, i nudged it on the head and said bye. but it was busy eating some orange peel on the ground and ignored me. so i went away.
i already reached near my staircase when i saw this dirty Fe 3+ looking thing running up to me. because i didn't want it to follow me all the way up, i didn't turn back.
It just sat at the foot of the stairs and meowed and meowed. It was still meowing when i got to my 4th floor. i almost went back down, it was so sad .

-----
this morning in the car, it was sooo heart/head pain. out of the blue my mum started going on about me not studying and wasting time and not putting in effort . gurgh. i teared not because i was sad or anything, but i actually i telling myself in my head that she was making sense and it's kinda true. Just bad timing. The weather was already all grey and wet. then i have to be stuck in a vehicle with my mother asking and telling me why this why that, asking me to write a karangan in my free time in school >:oooooohmygodla. ugh. tearjerker.

++++

but in the end, i called her when i was in the art room just now and now we're ok. and the reason why i am on the computer right now is because she's sleeping! heehee
ooooo can't wait for tomorrowwwww, i'll be meeting my primary school mates and we'll have our yearly tour of our school, visiting old class, fooling around in the lift, and going ," oh my god ! look at [ insert here ] !" . hahahaaha i really can't wait.

bai.

2008-08-24T22:00:00.000-07:00

Pictures.

i've been wanting to blog for so long but i don't think i can go online much anymore. no more ONTD, no more reading people's blogs. no more rushes of joy to my head. pah.

i'm supposed to be researching on fishes right now.

if im not online anymore, i really wouldn't know whether my other friends are dead or alive. ugh i don't like not knowing what people are up to.

i just had my malay prelims and i'm pretty confident on my paper 1. i think it's better than most of what i've done. the hall was sooo cold.

i miss going to school without any worry or feeling dread that Os are coming closer. i want sec 2 back. we'd sit on the stairs during english and talk because nothing was going on anyway,in class and it was too noisy to talk. i would go jurong almost everyday with ken and eat waffles. nevermind, when i'm done with this, we'll go cycling.

for now, i'll get back to reading about Dorados

bye ( oh no, my VE project is due )

#edit- i ate cherry tomatos last night! and tulang too, so my right fingers are temporarily reddish.

##edit- i feel like bringing this imac home with me

###edit- To ~old friend~ : do you want to go rock climbing instead of going to our primary school?? : D

2008-08-23T20:56:00.000-07:00

noooooooo

camera obscura's coming to singapore, on the 29TH OF OCTOBER. Whyyyyyy

sigh. sister, if you are reading this, i hope you'll be going, maybe sneak a picture out or two. your poor little sister will be doing her physics paper ._.

heh. and i have Drop it like it's hot in my player. it is hot.

i'd like to scream before i go off
[AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA]

something happened.

bye

2008-08-23T07:22:00.000-07:00

yes, i'm still alive.

not much to blog about. ooh, the teacher's table finally collapsed last friday. it had been rickety for ages, it was practically swaying hahaha
me and fathin were just waiting for it to drop. so that day came when some classmate tried to fix it somehow. we suddenly heard a BOOM and there it was, a third of its height, with the table legs all splayed out. it was sooo funny, it looked like one of those very low japanese tables. we took pictures with it.

i need to get more sleep i think. i look like a monster.

bye

2008-08-21T05:51:00.000-07:00

ohhh i had one of those leg cramps while sleeping last night. i have no idea why. it woke me up and surprisingly, i remembered that i was supposed to stretch it.

later i had pe, and alison pestered me to play invisible badminton with her again. it involves wearing imaginary high heeled shoes and playing the game without a shuttle cock. it's actually quite funny. we'd shout every time we whack the air with our rackets.
and now my leg hurts again.

lately i've been staying back in school till 6 to do my art. i'm getting so sick of it all. but i can't. not yet. not till sept 22.

aaaaaa

and i have to retake my malay.

screw it.

bye

2008-08-15T04:19:00.000-07:00

school's been quite odd without some certain 165cm burmese lad trying to grab at my face. if i were you, i wouldn't let anyone touch my cast when i come back to school because i'd feel so violated. no, i'm just scared they'd draw ugly things and i'd be forced to go around with it. gah. i'd paint the whole thing black! but he is very much loved so i doubt he'll do that.

i'm eating vanilla ice cream with brownies my mom made yesterday and this reminds me of the time i had that awful thing in june, which hurt a hell lot. I couldn't enjoy it, worse still, i couldn't tell anyone. hahaa i find it quite funny now.

just now during history, i put two of my fingers in between the LT table's slot and fathin pulled out the table without realising my fingers were still there. it had that swollen-y pulsating effect you see in cartoon network. eh but it really did hurt.

bye